WE WANT THE WORLD AND WE WANT IT NOW. Summertime and the living makes my head ache.

08.08.04


I would like to clarify a few things regarding the history of the Native Australians, so as to make sure that I’m not writing nonsense. It is obvious that the fight about land and submission started in the previous centuries with the landing and attacks of the English people – and not only of them. The part of the exhibition that I visited dealt simply with the modern history of Native Australians and with fact that determined (and still do) their fortune until recently.

I came back from our country cottage (which is located at Daskaleio, outside Keratea), where I had a great time with friends. Christina (who had her birthday) did not have such a good time. She is probably going through some phase of inner conflict; but I’m not doing better either. Everything that happened last week, as I described it here, has turned me upside down regarding the way I think about my own self when I read again what I have posted. I don’t feel like regretting. I just wonder if I have really found the balance that I believed to have found. It’s like giving up with every single thing that I have accomplished. It’s as if all the pictures I used to describe faces and facts have been fading. I need new pictures in order to maintain again points of reference to who I am and to what I want to do.

Dada, your effort to understand me is enough reason to thank you. I don’t know if you are really trying to do this or if I’m the one who has that impression. Something tells me that you don’t forget what it is to be 25 years old and want to take just one sip and thus drink the whole world. (Damn, I’m crying again. I wish I could really cry. And yet my tears are stuck on the ends of my eyes and somehow refuse to come out.)

I want to believe that everything is all right. I want to close my eyes for a while and not allow the present to remind me who I am and where. I want to leave the keyboard, having put a final end to this whole monologue. I feel that you are tired and confused because of me. I want to be polite and yet I am abrupt.
At such moments I understand why Melina hated summers. At such moment I envy my dog who can live without expecting anything in return (just a plate of dog’s food and a little bit of water).

Did I persuade you that I had great fun in the weekend? I didn’t persuade myself. And yet I did have great fun, guys. Maybe my return home is to blame, right?