AMBRA KATABRA

04.06.04

Think of a story with lights, beasts and tamers, hypnotized and hypnotizers, spectators and hosts. A circus from Russia on a trip to Hungary. We were in Budapest. Two years after the visit to America. The reason was always the same. Physiotherapy, physiotherapy and again physiotherapy. It was not the first time that I visited the “Peto Institute”. My parents had decided that that’s they way it should be, since, after the operations, there is always a need for intense body workout. This is how you get back all that you miss from long-time healing and how you wait for the results to justify your investments in time and money.

This is not a story for another trip to a foreign country. It is a story about magic or lies. For the lie or the truth of the show that stands before the eyes of hundreds of spectators under multicoloured fabrics. It is a celebration for those who expect miracles or a justification for those who believe in nothing.
A child that is prepared to become (or has already started becoming) an adolescent watches his body changing. Through the night, he dreams of experiencing infatuation and love, still without being able to discern what tickles one’s veins while sleeping in a hotel room with his parents. They dream as well that their child is running and that things are different. When they wake up, they still want to dream, since it is still too early to compromise.

Daniel is wearing a black bonnet, with the initial of his name sewn on the backside. Janet lets his wheelchair roll on the corridor. There is music everywhere. Trombones and drums carry the feast away to a wild dance. We are looking at the sand circle from our seats. Animals and people coexist. They greet us. The fire glaze colours their shadows, which succumb to us.

The giants take their small-bodied escorts around on the backs of the horses. They cross the huge blazing rings and shut the tigers in the cage. They quell down their fear with the whip in their hand and fool the hypnotized spectators. At the corner of the stage, three magicians lie in wait for the right moment to come.

The doll’s dress is coloured in blue electric. The stardust covers its aura and makes her look younger than she is. She knows perfectly well how to mix with the crowd and attract attention. She does not have any magic wand. Just a deep décolleté. Like a magnet, she attracts spectators who accept hypnotism and obedience. 1-2-3- and she sends you to nowhere. You dance like a bear and bow to those who give the orders. The spectators stay numb in front of the miracle.

My mother is distressed. She sees the ‘victim’ do things that were impossible before. She gives a meaningful look to my father. I seize the opportunity of agreeing with her. I have a kind of fear that I want to quell down and this is a great challenge for me. I accept hypnotism. After the show, in private. I find no reason for that but my mother would want to see me walking, even like that. My father believes that we are both nuts.

After the circus clears, my mother gets the chance. They lead us to a small room. Everything blurs in my mind. I only remember two men and a lady (yes, the one with the blue dress). They ask me to lie down. She is smiling at me. She reminds me a bit of Liza Minelli at the “Cabaret”. She has bright white teeth and two big breasts. She leans over me. She shows me much more than I can see. My heart beats like crazy. She holds out her hands over my body and starts her tricks. Ambra-Katambra and other such nonsense. She wants to put me to sleep. Impossible. How can a thirteen year-old boy sleep in front of such a view ?. I wish that she came over me. I would like to be the one to hypnotize her and not to be hypnotized by her. She doesn’t manage to do a thing. It seems strange to her that her powers have no effect in my case. She asks my mother if I have any problems with my heart. The answer is negative. “I am very sorry”, she says. “Your son cannot be hypnotized in any way. It’s the first time this happens to me. I don’t know what to say.”.

She lets me flabbergasted. She catches me unprepared. From the moon to the sun and again to the earth. I should be sad. But no. I feel a strange joy inside. As if I shared the most beautiful thing with a stranger. I didn’t utter a word for what I felt. And yet, for some reason, I still believe that this ‘witch’ understood everything. My mother was wrong when she answered that I had no problem with my heart. It was solely a heart problem. Not one of medical nature; of another nature. You needn’t be a magician in order to understand.