THE NEXT DAYS

30.08.04


I am sitting in my office again and it doesn’t seem to me strange at all that I have to be here. It’s as if I pressed a button of automatic adjustment to daily life. The difference is that now I feel much more proud of myself. Before the holidays, I thought that it was pointless to work at an office just picking up phonecalls or completing application forms. My duties haven’t changed and my work hasn’t become more exciting. What has changed is that I am less ashamed of myself. How can I put this? I don’t feel like the laziest guy on earth, precisely because I now know how it is to wake up at 12 and not at 7:30, how it is not to answer the phonecalls if you don’t want to, how it is to be able to work on your dissertation for your degree in the mornings, how it is to spread your papers all over the room, the one on the other, and how it is to write a few little stories while listening again and again to the ‘Stupid Dream’ of the ‘Porcupine Tree’.

There is no doubt. I am a working young man, even if I do nothing great. If I weren’t, what I would earn is just a lot of boredom along with my freedom. Moreover, I would find zillions of causes to fight with my parents. Things are different now. Time passes away from the house in such a way that at the end of the day I feel really happy. Under better circumstances I would love my job so much, that I would not even want to come back home. There are people who can’t imagine themselves far away from their working space. I hope that will happen to me too. In fact, this is the easiest way to make easy money. In my opinion, easy money is not won on the basis of laziness or cheating but on the basis of hard work on what you love. When you love your work, each of its procedures seems to be as simple as a toy.

If I take the decisions I made during the holidays into consideration, then I can certainly hope for a more exciting future. And yet I will not say anything to anybody. I will be making my plans silently, until I finally have the expected results. I’m not precautionary or something; I have simply understood that the only thing which counts is being committed to oneself. Anybody else is able to express his or her opinion upon hearing our promise but is unable (and wouldn’t have to) to help us or deter us from making our wishes come true.

It might seem irrelevant to you but the atmosphere of the Olympic Games has deeply influenced the way I think of my obligations towards life in general. In a few words, it seems exciting to live like a champion. I think that I am already too old for sports, let alone championships. Nonetheless I can always be taught what it means to fight not for the medal or the flag but much more for self-reward and self-verification.

Well, I am at home now and read those postings again. The unclear things that come out from time to time in those postings are directly related to how many times the phone rings at the time I was posting. While I was writing the present text, I was quite lucky. It rang only 8 times. How can I not write crap if I am interrupted every two minutes? Show some understanding please.

AND DANCING GOES ON

Guys, I’m back and I’m going to work again tomorrow. I am sorry for the end of the Olympics. The flame was put out but, in my opinion, it should have been put out at the end of the Paralympics. Consequently, this closing ceremony should have taken place a month from now, when the Paralympics would be over as well. We’ll have to decide whether we talk of equal handling of things (and institutions) or admit that the world is divided in a thousand pieces.

This is all for now. I’m going to get some sleep. I will wake up early tomorrow morning. Somebody, please put me in a jar and let me sleep. Wake me up again in the year 2008.