THE KISS OF PANIC

27.10.04

Yesterday I visited my department once again and had to face (academic) situations that brought me face to face with negative consequences and this is why I was very very sad. In fact, I was so sad that I wanted to smoke a whole pack of cigarettes. In the end I was just biting my nails. I rarely bite my nails but in that case I didn’t find a less self-destructive thing to do.

On returning home, the midday show of Tatiana Stefanidou came to my mind (I always think of shallow things when I feel like drowning), on which a sort of ointment against cancer was presented. In fact, it was merely a kind of tomato purée that circulates without being approved by the N.O.M..

I thought immediately of all those poor people who take advantage of people’s despair in order to get rich. I even remembered my mom, who took me to India (I was 7 years old) to receive the blessing of Sai Baba. On the pretext of that meeting I had taken my first (the real one!) kiss from a woman who had said I was a Chosen one, just because I had managed to step on the threshold of the palace of an unsolicited Messiah.

The same kiss was what I needed yesterday. It didn’t have to be an erotic kiss. I was seeking for a salvation kiss. Another breath to make it.